I guess you could say I am "under construction". I find the Lord is always teaching me something new about myself. I figure some people may say that God is insensitive, or critical, or someone who is changing you into something you are not...well, I guess for those who don't understand the mysteries of God, who are still blinded from the corruption of this world, would see it as that way. On the other hand, I don't. I see being shown these areas of my life as a way of refining myself, smoothing the rough edges out, creating the masterpiece to its full potential. Life has a way of disrupting that masterpiece from becoming the art it is designed to be. Through hardships, making wrong decisions, allowing different artists to shape me...in essence has distorted the model. Since God is the ultimate creator, I am learning each day to give him full access again in creating something beautiful from what was interupted. I have always been considered to be a certain person with particular gifts, talents, traits, etc...its just that some of the things I either didn't have a choice to be exposed to, or I did choose myself to be exposed to (which I refer to as the "different artists") tainted these things about me. As I learn and surrender more of myself to God, in allowing him to expose these things, I am giving Him permission to Chissel off the bad, add more to the gaps, and smooth away the rough so that I can be all that He created me to be! There is something that I have been struggling with for such a long time. I know where my false beliefs about myself and this situation comes from...I see the past clear as crystal, I understand the damage things have caused me and is responsible for distorting this area of my life. I desire change and healing, yet I am fearful of what that would really look like and if I am actually capable... Something amazing I learned at the "Women of Faith" conference I went to the Nov. 3/4th weekend was what it means to act in faith. Faith is when you move forward with something when you don't feel you can, when you don't feel you have all the "right words", when you don't feel you're courageous enough, when you don't feel you are capable in anyway. It is in these moments when you move that the Lord provides for you all these things, and then some! That is what faith is really all about...moving forward and trusting God to take care of the rest. We are not supposed to know everything, we are not supposed to understand everything...we are just supposed to MOVE!