Thank you, Lord for snow!!

As the snow falls I am reminded of God's faithful forgiveness. "As white as snow, our sins have been forgiven"! How amazing is that?! Over the many years in my journey as a Christian, I have definitly learned many life lessons (ones that I am not so proud of and others that I cherish deeply). I understand that there are many lessons yet to come:) One thing that I am confident in is that "nothing can separate me from the love of God" and that "God uses ALL things for his honor and glory". AMEN!! Satan can never steal yours or my soul (that is if you have found Christ as your personal Lord and Saviour, and have confessed your sinful state to him and have asked Him to come live in your life and give you a new life in him). The only thing Satan can do is put holes in your testimony. He can drag you down by tripping you up, enticing you, with areas of your life that are habitual and problematic, he can made you believe you cannot ever change and that your "sins" are unforgiveable, and he can make your passion for your faith be dimmed through discouragement, fear and shame so that you will not share it with others. Isn't that sad how much we allow him to still manipulate our lives? Well let me encourage you by saying that no matter where you have been, what you are doing or where you are going...God is always there and he has chosen to love you, to forgive you and provide so much for you as long as you just ask him. He is the perfect gentlemen, because he will never push himself on you or just take over...he waits for your invitation. He's never disappointed in you, he never looks down on you, or feels like your a hopeless cause. To him you are an amazing child of his, that he delights over as you continue to pick yourself up, try again, and share in his joy as you trust in him. May the Lord bless you this week as he is in mine!

WORST MOM DAYS

Have you ever had just one of those days you wish you could "do over"? You know, one of those, worst mom ever days. I frequently have these...its so embarrassing, humiliating, and shameful at times. For instance, today was one of those days. Between a couple of phone calls that were quite stressful, managing 4 children ages 1-3 (two are mine, and two I watch) who were getting into everything or fighting over every thing, stresses and concerns about up and coming things...lets just say I had "a moment". For the "umpteenth" time, my toddler cried and wanted her baby wrapped up tighter in her blanket (she is very particular about this, it has to be PERFECT, and once she collects her, it loosens a bit, so I have to redo this...URG). So imagine my stress load at this moment!!! I took the baby doll and in my frustration walked into the kitchen and "attempted" to wrap her. I got so flustered I took it out on the doll (lets just say, not in a very cool and collective way...I know, horrible!!). When I turned around, there my daughter is, looking up at me with tears in her eyes and her face as though she was a deer in headlights.

I felt horrible, I was disgusted with myself. She began to cry and tell me (well, scold me) that hitting isn't nice! I got down on my knees, looked her in the eyes, appologized and asked for her forgiveness. Then I proceeded to kiss the baby and appologize to it as well.

That's it, though isn't it?! When we mess things up, and you know you will, it is only natural...the key is to appologize, restore and move forward. In these moments we become "real" to our kids. We can turn these moments into life lessons and spiritual focus. It will never fully remove the feeling of "lousy mother", or prevent it ever from happening again (though I wish), but it sure is good to remember God's grace, love and acceptance of us, when we are so undeserving, and how we can model that "realness" to our children.

I guess you could say I am "under construction". I find the Lord is always teaching me something new about myself. I figure some people may say that God is insensitive, or critical, or someone who is changing you into something you are not...well, I guess for those who don't understand the mysteries of God, who are still blinded from the corruption of this world, would see it as that way. On the other hand, I don't. I see being shown these areas of my life as a way of refining myself, smoothing the rough edges out, creating the masterpiece to its full potential. Life has a way of disrupting that masterpiece from becoming the art it is designed to be. Through hardships, making wrong decisions, allowing different artists to shape me...in essence has distorted the model. Since God is the ultimate creator, I am learning each day to give him full access again in creating something beautiful from what was interupted. I have always been considered to be a certain person with particular gifts, talents, traits, etc...its just that some of the things I either didn't have a choice to be exposed to, or I did choose myself to be exposed to (which I refer to as the "different artists") tainted these things about me. As I learn and surrender more of myself to God, in allowing him to expose these things, I am giving Him permission to Chissel off the bad, add more to the gaps, and smooth away the rough so that I can be all that He created me to be! There is something that I have been struggling with for such a long time. I know where my false beliefs about myself and this situation comes from...I see the past clear as crystal, I understand the damage things have caused me and is responsible for distorting this area of my life. I desire change and healing, yet I am fearful of what that would really look like and if I am actually capable... Something amazing I learned at the "Women of Faith" conference I went to the Nov. 3/4th weekend was what it means to act in faith. Faith is when you move forward with something when you don't feel you can, when you don't feel you have all the "right words", when you don't feel you're courageous enough, when you don't feel you are capable in anyway. It is in these moments when you move that the Lord provides for you all these things, and then some! That is what faith is really all about...moving forward and trusting God to take care of the rest. We are not supposed to know everything, we are not supposed to understand everything...we are just supposed to MOVE!

JUST ONE OF THOSE DAYS...

Have you had "just one of those days" where you are so tired, unenergetic, low in patience tolerance, feel like the harder you try the painful it feels? Yeah that is one of those days I was having today. It definitly had its ups and downs. Moments that were amazing, especially with little Leigha. We had fun making tunnels with the couch cushions, enjoyed making peanut butter, chocolat chip cookies, and just giggling whenever we could. But then she would frusterate me beyond anything by refusing to go potty and peeing her pants (even though she has been successful trained for nearly a year...well in 3 months), whinning when she wants something, pushing Josiah over and hurting him, not eating her meals yet saying she is hungry... "I wanna snack"! urgh! Little Josiah is always a pleasure, but like days today, he is picky with his meals, wants to get into EVERYTHING, and creates havoc! I love him to death, and when he smiles and laughs, my heart swells up in a way I could never really describe. Merci...well, your typical 12 year old girl. Wants things, doesn't seem to appreciate it, but then there are these moments where she delights me because its like, yeah...there you go, now you are getting it. She can be so helpful on one hand, but then on the other create a lot of stress. Dave isn't feeling very well, and that is always hard on me because I know he cannot give it his all...and I want to give him extra rest, but then it is just one of those days. I found myself sleeping in this morning, letting him get up with the kids. I took my time getting ready, hardly got much done around the house, had a nice hour nap (when Dave got home), and then been kindof lazying around...just one of those days.

Much needed prayer!!!

Currently we have a very dear family to us that is experiencing a very difficult situation. They have been blessed with 2 baby girls (twins), though they came into this world in a hurry! Only 25 weeks along they decided to greet this world in quite a traumatic way. In any case, these beautiful babies (Faith and Makaila) for the most part have been doing extremely well considering how premature they are. Recently they have both had a blood transfusion (something that is quite common) and have gone back and forth needing assistance with their breathing. Yesterday Karyn and Graham (our dear friends) had the amazing opportunity to hold their girls for over an hour...a very exciting moment. Since then the girls haven't been doing so well...they are needing even more assistance with their breathing and now there is a concern that Makaila may be sick with Chronic Lung disease. Please pray for these girls, and for Karyn and Graham as this must be incredibly scarey and emotional for them. They have a son, Isaiah, who is 1 1/2 and experiencing a lot of changes and emotions himself. They really need everyone praying, so please take the time to daily lift this family up to the Lord.

So I guess the real battle for me to keep this going is to actually find the "time" to really commit to this. I would like to believe I will be faithful and dedicated to the cause, but realistically, my life is so busy that time is something I do not have much of. But isn't this the case for many today?!?! We all sing the same song of our life being so busy, overscheduled, over-committed and burned out! I believe this is the curse of our culture!! BUSYNESS... It is so interesting how this generation and society gives us the impression that community is highly valued and sought after...so, does this not sound as though we are all just sitting around, spending time together, getting real with eachother because we are so comfortable with one another due to the time we put into our friendships?? The reality isn't even close! I feel this "idea" is mainly only a desire to have community because busyness is robbing the ability, that it is rare and in high demand. As a result, we are forgetting what it means to really be in community! We flake out on committments, friendships, accountability, and transparency of ourselves that things feel shallow, superficial, random, and lonely.